With Nneamaka Onochie
Put Up a Good Fight
Three weeks ago I went to the salon to braid my hair I was gisting with the hairdresser when a woman entered, you know those type of women that enter a place with tremendous energy and positive vibes. She is a middle-aged woman, tall and beautiful with honey complexion. She started by narrating how she felt good in her body due to rigorous exercise activities according to her she said she had rheumatism and due to the training sessions she had been having, she couldn’t feel pain again. Then she goes on to tell us that she was an athlete in her younger days, she represented Rivers State in gymnastics just before she settled down in marriage.
According to her, her husband promised her to continue with her career after marriage then they got married and the Oga told her to forget about athletics, or rather she can do it inside his house. She said she would have gone far in that career path and her tone depicted sadness and regret. I looked at her and while she was lost in her own thoughts and I wondered why she didn’t push, why she didn’t fight for that which she wanted, why she threw it all under the bus. Well, don’t get me wrong, the man is the head of the family and should be respected as such but I guess there should be ways around things like making him see reasons why something is so important to you and maybe talking to a trusted close family to plead your course. I felt the dream didn’t matter to her so much or she wouldn’t give up.
I have a friend who happens to be a businesswoman though a nurse by profession. She has chains of businesses and is successful. The day she told me that she studied nursing and midwifery in the university and also practiced for some years in one of a prestigious teaching hospital in Porthacourt I was astonished. Then I asked why she didn’t continue with the career path she replied that after she got married, her husband told her to stop and take care of the kids which were beyond every reasonable doubt very understandable. Then when she stopped waning the kids he would open a business for her than have her under someone. She said “Amaka I would have been a matron in the hospital” I caught that underlying tone of sadness and loss. Yes, she has a business and is really prospering but she wished she hadn’t given up.
I think as a woman before you finally settle down with your prince charming, you should sit down and have a heart to heart discussions on your likes, dislikes, values, dreams, and aspirations and draw a conclusion whereby you are on the same page with each other accepting your differences and passion. Courtship should be a time to lay all the cards on the table and trash out every issue. So you know what you are entering. What do couples really discuss during courtship huh? Courtship isn’t about going on serial dates and having numerous sex. It’s time to discuss your values so you won’t be trapped into doing otherwise like giving up on your dreams.
For the men, please don’t kill that woman’s dreams, don’t marry a businesswoman and turn her into a full-time housewife, if you want a housewife as a helpmate, there are women who doesn’t want to do anything other than sitting at home and flip channels all day, you can find those and marry. Don’t marry a woman whose career is popping and shut the doors to her dreams by forcing her into business unless she can comfortably manage both otherwise support her in her chosen profession. Don’t marry someone’s daughter and subject her to doom because of your ego thereby rendering useless the money her parents spent in sending her to school. Support her in every way possible and she will reciprocate and show you gratitude for the rest of her life.
To the woman who wants more, it’s okay to want more, it’s okay to dream and work towards that dream, it’s okay to be an entrepreneur with a series of businesses. It’s okay to tour on the career path that brings you satisfaction. Life is too short to live in regret and sadness. Take that audacious step today, you can do it. Don’t give up on that business or career and your future self will thank you for it. Put up a good fight, fight for your business or your career don’t just give up.