WHEN LOVE IS FOUND
Who doesn’t wants to find love? Oh no, I believe everybody wants to irrespective of all odds.
The previous week I dealt on how to find love. I explained deeply the necessary steps to be taken in order to find genuine love. But the issue of love does not end at finding it, one must as well learn to keep it, else it may end void.
So many people at some time In their lives must have found true love but lost it along the line for some reason understood. Well, here I wanna make sure it doesn’t happen again or at all if it hadn’t. Therefore am gonna tell you little secrets about love relationships to guide you when love is found.
Firstly love is a process. Whenever you think you’ve found true love, have it at the back of your mind that love is a process. In other words, after falling in love, you ought to grow in love. This simply means that whoever understands the concept of growing in love hardly experiences heartbreak, disappointments, and all the bad feelings people talk about.
I classified the process of growing in love in four stages.
- First: The emotional stage
- Second: The reality stage
- Third: The adjustment stage
- Fourth: The decision stage
The emotional stage is the first and early stage of all the beautiful feelings that overflow the heart. The two people in love are almost perfect and spotless. Each of them looks so cute, so lovely, and almost completely sure they’ve found the love of their lives. A stage where emotions overshadow every weakness and imperfections.
The guy looks like a Prince, charming, so caring, loving, giving, and gentle, and almost without a spot. Likewise, the lady whose beauty would be so sparkling that nothing negative could be seen. Wow, so drunk in love they are and everything seems perfectly going, and both wish it would just remain like this.
But no, this definitely passes and they would zoom to the reality stage without even knowing it. Yes, the reality stage. A very dangerous stage that oftentimes seems to steal all the beautiful feelings away.
A stage when all the truth hidden under that heavy emotional feelings begins to unfold gradually and it stares up a lot of quarrels because of all the realities unfolding. I mean suddenly the queen and her Knight in a shining armor begin to see the other sides of each other. Suddenly she realizes he can actually brag, he’s not really as caring as he appeared because obviously the number of times he calls must have reduced.
Yes, and he’s not even as buoyant as he appeared, and he even raises his voice a lot. Wow, a lot of weakness discovery. And this is also applicable to the queen. He has come to discover she tells little lies, can be stubborn and nags, moreover she is not even as beautiful as she used to appear then.
Oh my gosh, reality has set in. This love is no longer as sweet as it used to appear, and in their minds sometimes they feel like to quit. Obviously a lot of people quit at this stage because, for them, they’re no longer in love and cannot tolerate all that. But only a few who really understand love would dare to conquer and move to the next stage.
The adjustment stage is quite demanding because it requires a lot of tolerance. It’s a stage where you’ve really seen a lot of the bad sides, but you still desire your love and want to fight, build and grow alongside each other. Here for the sake of each other, an adjustment that will help you both to drop some old attitude and embrace new ones commences.
For instance, you discovered he’s not as buoyant as he appeared, but instead of running off, you stay to assist him to get a new business or a job. And peradventure you found out she is quite lazy and demanding, but instead of running off, you stay to encourage her to be up and doing. Or you found out he lies a lot, instead of leaving try to find out the reasons for the lies. Maybe he just wants to impress you or make you not to look down on him, so you adjust to making the ground quite conducive to avoid the pressure. And so it goes until you continue to grow to a point you can say, I know him or her and I completely understand our strengths and weaknesses and together we manage each other.
It’s also at this stage that real intimacy takes place. Because both of you are gradually becoming bare to each other. There shouldn’t be any more need for pretense or packaging, rather it’s a time to embrace each other’s vulnerabilities and sort for ways to build and grow together.
And the last but not the least is the decision state. It’s a stage where feelings have been nurtured, screened and well pruned. At this stage it’s no longer about what you feel but what you know and believe. In this case, since it’s no longer just what you feel, but what you’ve seen, know, and believe, therefore a decision is unknowingly or knowingly formed on the basis of the heart. It’s not just a decision, it’s a vow to love for good and bad.
This stage made me realize that before two lovers go to the altar for marriage vows, they have for long made that vow in their hearts. What they do in church is just to make God and man a witness to the vow already existing.
This vow or decision is the true love we all seek. Yes, love is not just what we feel but the decision we take. Until love grows to the point it becomes a decision and a vow to both parties in love, it’s not yet a true love. This is because your vow and decision solidifies your love, mind you, am not talking about marriage vows. I mean the decision and vow that exist in the hearts before the marriage.
Take, for instance, God can’t stop loving humans because He has vowed to love us, not because he feels love for us. I can tell you we must have hurt God enough that sometimes He may not feel like loving us at all, but you know why He can’t stop, He has vowed to love us. Therefore He continues His love for us both in good times and in bad times. That’s actually how love works. When we nurture it into a decision, we become lovers both in good times and in bad times, when we feel like and even out of feelings.
Above all, endeavor to have these processes in your mind when you think you’ve found love. Don’t stop your love at a feelings level, build it together until it becomes a vow and a decision that bad feelings can’t change. Don’t get carried away with all the beautiful feelings of the first stage that you become weak or ignorant of the other stages. Endeavor to face the realities of love, then adjust yourself until the love decision is made. And most importantly, build your love with the right person.
Wishing you all the good luck as you find and build your love. Remain blessed. I’m the Love Doctor. SMS only.