WHEN LOVE IS FOUND

Who doesn’t wants to find love? Oh no, I believe everybody wants to irrespective of all odds.

The previous week I dealt on how to find love. I explained deeply the necessary steps to be taken in order to find genuine love. But the issue of love does not end at finding it, one must as well learn to keep it, else it may end void.

So many people at some time In their lives must have found true love but lost it along the line for some reason understood. Well, here I wanna make sure it doesn’t happen again or at all if it hadn’t. Therefore am gonna tell you little secrets about love relationships to guide you when love is found.

Firstly love is a process. Whenever you think you’ve found true love, have it at the back of your mind that love is a process. In other words, after falling in love, you ought to grow in love. This simply means that whoever understands the concept of growing in love hardly experiences heartbreak, disappointments, and all the bad feelings people talk about.

I classified the process of growing in love in four stages.

• First: The emotional stage
• Second: The reality stage
• Third: The adjustment stage
• Fourth: The decision stage

The emotional stage is the first and early stage of all the beautiful feelings that overflow the heart. The two people in love are almost perfect and spotless. Each of them looks so cute, so lovely, and almost completely sure they’ve found the love of their lives. A stage where emotions overshadow every weakness and imperfections.

The guy looks like a Prince, charming, so caring, loving, giving, and gentle, and almost without a spot. Likewise, the lady whose beauty would be so sparkling that nothing negative could be seen. Wow, so drunk in love they are and everything seems perfectly going, and both wish it would just remain like this.

But no, this definitely passes and they would zoom to the reality stage without even knowing it. Yes, the reality stage. A very dangerous stage that oftentimes seems to steal all the beautiful feelings away.

A stage when all the truth hidden under that heavy emotional feelings begins to unfold gradually and it stares up a lot of quarrels because of all the realities unfolding. I mean suddenly the queen and her Knight in a shining armor begin to see the other sides of each other. Suddenly she realizes he can actually brag, he’s not really as caring as he appeared because obviously the number of times he calls must have reduced.

Yes, and he’s not even as buoyant as he appeared, and he even raises his voice a lot. Wow, a lot of weakness discovery. And this is also applicable to the queen. He has come to discover she tells little lies, can be stubborn and nags, moreover she is not even as beautiful as she used to appear then.

Oh my gosh, reality has set in. This love is no longer as sweet as it used to appear, and in their minds sometimes they feel like to quit. Obviously a lot of people quit at this stage because, for them, they’re no longer in love and cannot tolerate all that. But only a few who really understand love would dare to conquer and move to the next stage.

The adjustment stage is quite demanding because it requires a lot of tolerance. It’s a stage where you’ve really seen a lot of the bad sides, but you still desire your love and want to fight, build and grow alongside each other. Here for the sake of each other, an adjustment that will help you both to drop some old attitude and embrace new ones commences.

For instance, you discovered he’s not as buoyant as he appeared, but instead of running off, you stay to assist him to get a new business or a job. And peradventure you found out she is quite lazy and demanding, but instead of running off, you stay to encourage her to be up and doing. Or you found out he lies a lot, instead of leaving try to find out the reasons for the lies. Maybe he just wants to impress you or make you not to look down on him, so you adjust to making the ground quite conducive to avoid the pressure. And so it goes until you continue to grow to a point you can say, I know him or her and I completely understand our strengths and weaknesses and together we manage each other.

It’s also at this stage that real intimacy takes place. Because both of you are gradually becoming bare to each other. There shouldn’t be any more need for pretense or packaging, rather it’s a time to embrace each other’s vulnerabilities and sort for ways to build and grow together.

And the last but not the least is the decision state. It’s a stage where feelings have been nurtured, screened and well pruned. At this stage it’s no longer about what you feel but what you know and believe. In this case, since it’s no longer just what you feel, but what you’ve seen, know, and believe, therefore a decision is unknowingly or knowingly formed on the basis of the heart. It’s not just a decision, it’s a vow to love for good and bad.

This stage made me realize that before two lovers go to the altar for marriage vows, they have for long made that vow in their hearts. What they do in church is just to make God and man a witness to the vow already existing.

This vow or decision is the true love we all seek. Yes, love is not just what we feel but the decision we take. Until love grows to the point it becomes a decision and a vow to both parties in love,  it’s not yet a true love. This is because your vow and decision solidifies your love, mind you, am not talking about marriage vows. I mean the decision and vow that exist in the hearts before the marriage.

Take, for instance, God can’t stop loving humans because He has vowed to love us, not because he feels love for us. I can tell you we must have hurt God enough that sometimes He may not feel like loving us at all, but you know why He can’t stop, He has vowed to love us. Therefore He continues His love for us both in good times and in bad times. That’s actually how love works. When we nurture it into a decision, we become lovers both in good times and in bad times, when we feel like and even out of feelings.

Above all, endeavor to have these processes in your mind when you think you’ve found love. Don’t stop your love at a feelings level, build it together until it becomes a vow and a decision that bad feelings can’t change. Don’t get carried away with all the beautiful feelings of the first stage that you become weak or ignorant of the other stages. Endeavor to face the realities of love, then adjust yourself until the love decision is made. And most importantly, build your love with the right person.

Wishing you all the good luck as you find and build your love. Remain blessed. I’m the Love Doctor. SMS only.

For some time I’ve pondered upon this topic. I understand that the idea of love to some people is a mirage, to others a mere fantasy, and there are others who it scares to their bone marrows. Yet there are so many that are quite in love with the ordinary idea of finding true love.

The truth is that love has hurt more than many, thus a lot of people frown at any love related topic. This is because many people on their own have given love a trial at some time in their life, only to either be betrayed, disappointed, or failed. And for most of these victims, love is not a topic for discussion.

Nevertheless, I wanna talk about the concept of “finding true love.” In some of my previous topics, I’ve aptly discussed love and its meaning, and there some paramount definition of love was given. This is because in the first place it’s wrong to think of falling nor finding true love when you know nothing about the true meaning of love.

Meanwhile, for the purpose of clarification, the best definition of love I’ve ever come across is in 2Cor 13. If you can’t lay your hand on my previous work where love was aptly defined, then find your bible and read this chapter thoroughly for better clarification.

However, I still want you to understand love for what it is. A lot of people I know have a very pore understanding of love, and this has made it quite difficult for a lot of them to find nor keep love. In this case, our problem most times is not finding love but not knowing what love is so as to recognize love when seen. This is where I discovered that a lot of people are searching for what they don’t actually know. But why? Most times it breaks my heart to watch men and women wallow in their ignorance. They tend to seek for love, yet they lose it because they don’t know what love is.

Believe me, this is more serious than you may think. Maybe you’re not a victim of this circumstance, but a lot of people are, and you can’t imagine the level of agony they pass through in the name of love.

In this case, I’m gonna say this, if you wanna find love, then you’ve got to first understand love for what it is or at least understand whatever it is that you may want, even if that may resemble love. But please don’t call it love if it’s not love.

I say this because I know so many people who just want to catch fun. Some want a financial supporter, some want sex mates, some want sugar mummies and daddy’s, and there are even those who just want a mistress. And others want husbands and wives, but in the end, all these people will tell you they’re searching for love. And this really baffles me because most of the heartbreak we incurred happened because we fail to define our relationships for what it is and make sure our partner wants the same thing as well.

Notwithstanding, my message here is for those who want to find true love. I am gonna give you just a few tips on how the magic of finding true love happens and the rest is yours to do. First, make sure you understand the true meaning of love. Just like I’ve said before, don’t delve into what you know nothing about.

Secondly, discover yourself. Self-discovery is one of the basic qualities that make one an epitome of love. Be it, man or woman, endeavor to discover who you are, what you have within and work on becoming the best you. Nothing can be more attractive than this. When you are so busy doing what you are born to do, you simply give love the opportunity to find you.

Thirdly, don’t ever search for true love. What? Are you for real? Yes, I’m for real. I mean why search for something that is wiser, stronger, and smarter than you. You know when we really claim to have found love, it’s not really us that found love, but love founds us.

Come to think of it, most times love comes and happens in odd places where, when, and how we least expect it. Doesn’t that mean a thing to you?  Love does its work in its own unique ways. That is why most times we don’t see it coming until it comes.

My best advice to those who wanna find love is to try to understand love, build your self, I mean your dreams, vision, and purpose, also work on your attitudes to prepare a better ground for love to flourish when it comes. Believe me, at some point in your life, love will find you, but will you be worthy of love when it comes? And will you even recognize love when it comes? Therefore invest your time well for love and not in love to avoid odds.

My best wishes to you is you build yourself for true love which will definitely find you.

Kindly tell me what to do about the situation I presently have at hand.
I am a 26-year-old undergraduate. I do not intend to battle with a hag who goes about opening wide her legs to a guy that should be twice her age.
This is not what I want for myself, but I strongly feel that I cannot back down for a flabby breast woman with stretch-marks all over her body.
My breasts are still vigorously erect. I am young and pretty. The guy in the eye of this storm loves me. The only thing is that his sugar mummy is deceiving him by throwing money at him. She is a divorcee and my enquiries about her show that her two children are above 18 years each. She is a Port Harcourt-based distributor to one of the blue chip companies in Nigeria.
She gave out a three-bedroom flat to my boy-friend in one of her many buildings here in Port Harcourt and made him the caretaker of the building.
I started a long time with this guy, about five years now. I know how much we two have contributed into our relationship. I am aware that his attitude does not stem from the fact that this woman provided a better roof over his head and a car to cruise around with. Voodoo cannot be ruled out in this whole saga.
When he is with me you need to see how passionate he speaks about our relationship. He is like one that needs rescue from the woman’s bondage and I am out to help him get out of this hook. He catches cold when the woman sneezes. He recently confided in me that he de-tastes making love to the woman, because there is nothing appealing about her. But he does not know how to end the affair, because the only interest the woman has is his sexual powers. And she could kill him or any other person that tries to stop him from having sexual affair with her. She has threatened to exterminate me if I come between her and my own lover.
I blame everything on the lack of employment in our country today. My boyfriend has graduated from the university since four years ago without a job and this woman early this year offered to be giving him goods on credit, so that he could sell them and make profit. When they began a relationship, she gave him the very apartment he resides now and since that time has been lavishing gifts on him.
My boyfriend as much as I know is not ready to marry this woman who has attained menopause.My thinking is that she is out to destroy this promising young guy who can’t speak out because of his condition.
I love him and he loves me too, but this old sorceress is destroying our happiness.
I now receive threat calls and messages warning me to stay away from a relationship I have made sacrifices for and nurtured for five solid years.
Who in my shoes and age will allow a spent-force win and take over what belongs to her.
The threat is becoming much and I felt I should seek advice from people more knowledgeable than me. Please, I need your assistance now to tackle this impending doom.
Belinda lives in Port Harcourt.
Dear Belinda,
It seems to me you are battling to keep a man that does not want to keep you as his only lover.
What effort has he made to liberate himself from this relationship you described as bondage? You painted a picture of a man that has no policy and cannot take a decision on an issue.
He is loose and that is why he shamelessly sleeps with a woman old enough to be his mother. He has succeeded in hoodwinking you and that is why he has the guts to tell you that he is tired of sleeping with his sugar mummy.
You are playing a loser’s game, if you go ahead to engage in any way this big mama who to me appears desperate of having your so-called lover all to herself.
Your man is not under any spell, he is into the illicit relationship because of the sexual and financial gains he is receiving.
Your man is a gigolo, so you don’t blame his amorous activities on lack of employment or the government of the day. He is only drawn away from his own lust.
There are numerous university graduates that have generated jobs for themselves and today they are employers of labour and are not under any obligation to sleep with anybody against their wish.
You are being used due to your ignorance. So, I think you should wake up from your slumber and face realities now.
You claim he loves you and yet he cannot because of you reject an enticing and entangling offer.
You want to be killed or harmed over a man that has no regard for you and can go as far as preferring a spent-force like you said more than you who is much younger.
I pity you because for five years you were in love with a man that is a total stranger to you.
Until you disengage from this lover-boy and his sugar-mummy and apply your time into something better, you may end up regretting the day you met him.
At 27 years, you should be thinking of having a relationship that has a bright future not one that will land you in trouble. Come to think of it, if those threats result in acid bath and you are disfigured, do you think that this same guy will abandon his new-found wealth to be there for you? Run now, and run as fast as your legs could carry you. He, who fights and run away lives to fight another day. Take care.